so today marks 3 years since I signed up for newgrounds. back when i made this account, what i wanted to do was make my own songs for me and others to use in geometry dash (i never did use my own songs tho and i only finished one level. i kinda wonder what the gd community is like now). since then, i've moved away from the app and my music style has also changed quite a bit. it used to be this really cheesy, half-baked digital-sounding stuff, but now i think it sounds more analog and way more professional, although idk if i would call my music professional-sounding just yet.

i was 15 when i created this account, back before i went by tristan bay, so everyone here knows me as "BeeFef." back then, i was almost only posting music and my logos. now i'm 18, and i've developed not only as a producer, but as a person. since about 7th or 8th grade, i've kind of been going through a metamorphosis. it's been a rough, stressful path, but hopefully it won't be too long until it levels out a bit and i can enjoy being the kid that i am/will be mentally. when i was 15, i think people didn't think of me as one of them as much as they do now. i was odd and i feel like people didn't like being around me as much and i made people more nervous than i do now.

well here i am, 32 newgrounds fans and counting. sometimes it makes me wonder how people blow up or get so much exposure than i do. is there some essential thing i'm missing? do i need more friends or people in general supporting me and networking with me? do i actually need to start making money and looking more professional in order to be taken more seriously?

if you get all the way to the end of this, then thank you for reading and caring about this stuff. i probably missed at least one thing i wanted to say in this post, so i might either go back and edit it or do one or more posts adding on to this one.

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